MissyMurder3000

Heather hazard o.o

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Flower Child by MissyMurder3000, literature

Literature

Flower Child

If it's what we think, we become could I plant the seeds of beauty inside my skull? I could wait for the first sprigs to sprout and the roots to gouge out my eyes because beauty is in the eye of the beholder and I don't think I can be that anymore. But god, if the velvet petals inside grew brighter, then maybe I could feel their vibrance. I could be an entire field of tiger lillies for you. It seems silly to not know your favorite flower. I could sprout daffodiles from my finger tips and for once, everything I touch would be divine. I got a tattoo on my tree limb arms with two names but I don't know how to erase one because I can't love

Storms by MissyMurder3000, literature

Literature

Storms

There's a thunderstorm approaching. And it takes me back to when I was a work of art before your eyes. A sort of masterpiece unfolding before you and you, a willing audience. It takes me back to the back-lit nude silhouette in the window on Sunday night and the kiss I gave you afterward. There's a thunderstorm approaching and I downed 3 coffees just to read a book I hate and distract myself from you but three coffees and four hours later I'm still thinking. How I hurt you how we haven't spoken in days because I can't face my own decisions. How you pine and beg for me to come back and how could I tell you? That I spilled red paint all over

I am a snail and you are a garden by MissyMurder3000, literature

Literature

I am a snail and you are a garden

The other day I thought "people who stomp on snails are the worst kinds of people." They are literally trying to get somewhere as fast as they can avoiding sharp sticks and glass that they might carry on their very long journey. We were all snails at one point just trying to keep the shells on our backs the one thing that we could control in a world that looked too big. Taking nibbles of whatever small opportunities came across our curious paths until we could shed our beginner shells and grow into a skin more fitting. You are one of the worst kinds of people. I was too small with two shells on my back one for my sister and one for myself

On Cats by MissyMurder3000, literature

Literature

On Cats

The other day, I mentioned that I didn't want children. I'd rather have a cat. My mother said, "you have so much of yourself to give to a child." And while, I agree with her, you can't give a cat morals or teach it that skipping out on taxes is bad I don't want to do that. I can't give anyone any part of me because I am not whole yet. I'm still branching out, a small weed breaking through concrete into light and you know, cats have their pluses. They won't knock something over AND pair it with a passive aggressive phrase. And really, it's the small things. The nose bumps the tail swish the look that says "I love you, but I don't know what you

factory by MissyMurder3000, literature

Literature

factory

Being sick is like being caught within a factory. Mechanics pumping around you taking oil through screws and tubes into the big heart at the center. Loud Loud LOUD until you can't hear your own thoughts. It's metal upon metals squeaks and moans let out in smoke by the love you wanted being manufactured. Some nights, the cranks are strong enough to rip apart old wound riddled memories and throw them down a conveyor belt right at you and now it's hard to remember what even the factory sounds like. There is a never ending crunch of bolted down teeth and the stretching of the factory's skin wanting so badly to become human but remembering that

dear 13 year old boy by MissyMurder3000, literature

Literature

dear 13 year old boy

Dear 13 year old boy. I know, you're just trying to get a head start. Two steps in front of the uncle who raised you the uncle who showed you a window into this life into a group who wouldn't leave you like your parents did. And I know you only want to be backed because the world is scary when you've got to face it alone and dear 13 year old soul, put the gun down. Is the initiation worth a life of crime, is the initiation worth the life of another young soul like you worth the life of innocence? What else will they make you do after you fire the first round? Dear 13 year old boy, I know it doesn't feel like you're loved now, but you're you

Do not fall in love with me by MissyMurder3000, literature

Literature

Do not fall in love with me

Do not fall in love with me I am junkyard full of old cars that never learned how to start themselves again. I am as rusted as the train tracks that run through the center of me I'm as strong as the weeds that threaten to tear the railroad spikes from the inside I am a junkyard. People do not venture inside to look for something they pass by in the middle of the night to drop off whatever it was that was too heavy for them too expendable too unwanted. Do not fall in love with me the smoke that comes from my rotting metal will pull you down wrap around your arms and legs and hold you too close. I never learned how to hug someone properly. The

draft by MissyMurder3000, literature

Literature

draft

There are things that I won't recover. Lost teddy bears broken crayons forgotten letters bruises when I was five blisters from the ringer bars. There are things that I won't recover and I'll have to move on. A laugh the way my mother's hand feels in mine at the zoo. Her palm too big for my hands to wrap themselves around. The way a tiny finger could anchor a sinking ship or the way a bottle keeps a note from destroying itself at sea. There are things that I won't recover and I know I need to move on. Days spent in a sleepy stupor. sometimes loud noises stir me from my sleep and I wonder if it's her head or just a bottle thrown to the wall thi

When/IF God Happens by MissyMurder3000, literature

Literature

When/IF God Happens

When God happens miracles are born into thin air their blood vessels breathing life and love When God happens the miracles float aimlessly not caring who they hit or miss when God happens the children starving beneath mountains of green bottles reeking with guilt are forgotten. When God happens the women and children boys and men hiding behind themselves trying too desperately to wash the shame out of their bodies and wondering if bleach would kill off the ghosts of the DNA that did not belong to them are avoided. When God happens the grandmother who always calls you a different name will never again seem to spell YOURS When God happens th

Untitledygu by MissyMurder3000, literature

Literature

Untitledygu

I've been thinking lately about the ever looming exit sign above every wall every window every endless problem every person and every road. I've been thinking lately that there are days more often than not that I'd love more than anything to free the creatures that claw at my skin and threaten to tear me apart ligament by ligament without resistance. There are these days where the sun doesn't seem as bright the people are more quiet and I feel less alive. It's hard to put words into the mouth of a skeleton because his tongue can't quite make the shapes out of SOS Where S is a savior no one ever quite wishes for O is the landlocked island of

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Paper Wings by MissyMurder3000, literature

Literature

Paper Wings

This is letting go. Know that I may never return home. My paper wings must spread, and know if they catch fire, I'll stay far from dead. It's a typical morning out here light is shining, things are clear. This is me letting you go. Letting go of the nights you cried, Where I held you and because of sadness, nearly died. I love you, truly I do, But remove the tacks from my back, and help me fly. Write a lovely note on my right Something you hate on my left, and send me off. Let me spread my delicate wings.

I'd die for you... by MissyMurder3000, literature

Believe me mommy... by MissyMurder3000, literature

Literature

Believe me mommy...

Mommy, dear, to my heart, you are SO near. Even through all the aweful things, the new boyfriends and one night flings. The drinking, the sniffing, the huffing the blowing. I still love you mommy. I wiped away the tears when your bruises showed, held your hand and wiped the snow from under your nose. I never did cry while you were, never wanted to steal the show. But I hugged you and my heart sobbed with. Oh I still love you, even through all that... still love you even when you almost killed us. A car can cause an aweful amount of damage. You don't remember...the alcohol blurred away all of that. How funny...when I think ab

songbird by MissyMurder3000, literature

but...why? I loved you so.... by MissyMurder3000, literature

Literature

but...why? I loved you so....

I know you're gone... but did you know I love you? Would you have left if these promises were true? Would you have done what you did, If you knew I was always waiting? Wanting? Hoping and praying? Maybe someday you'd notice... but you left without a word. Nothing's around, not a whisper, not a sound. All the false hopes and stares, maybe mine...maybe their's. God, why did you have to? If I ever talk again, ever utter a word I'll tell you "I know you were gone, but did you know that I loved you?"

please... by MissyMurder3000, literature

Literature

please...

Today, Is the only day, I'll ever feel it necessary, to hope and pray. To hope, you'll hold me close enough to let me fly so far away. hope you cherish me enough to always think about me. Pray that tonight, I'll make it through, how could I...without you? "go" "leave" "it's better for you" "i'm making you leave." Why would you push something you love, out? Like all your care was full of doubt. Accusation? Never. more like...admiration. I love you..don't you see? Baby, I have to go, don't forget, I love you so.

makeup by MissyMurder3000, literature

Literature

makeup

Why do I wear so much you ask? Purple, green, aquamarine. The color of happiness, Shades the grey, How could I cry, when they've so much to say? But it's you I hide from. Black, white, red. Lines the pink, so still. Makes me look ill. I like it? I like it. "natural beauty" Doesnt apply to me. Shades of purple, green, aquamarine. A tear is clear, Showing the happy colors. The only thing that smothers the pain. Let me laugh, But let me wear my happiness. The only kind that substitues my reality, for something I wish I had inside of me.

smile for me by MissyMurder3000, literature

Literature

smile for me

I would walk a thousand miles, a thousand miles to show up on your door step. Just to ask you to smile for me. But you wouldn't you see, you'd slam the door in my face, leave me alone and let me chase my fears myself. don't you know? All I needed was you...and your starry eyed smile. Open up your heart, let me in again, please just take my hand i'm drowning please just take my hand i'm drowning dropping further and further down, letting go, letting me go, don't let me go.

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About MissyMurder3000

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United States
Deviant for 14 years
She / Her

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My Bio

Current Residence:
Favourite genre of music: i love all music :)
Favourite style of art: modern
Favourite cartoon character: courage the cowardly dog
Personal Quote: "When someone says they love you, you don't really feel it, but when someone says they don't love you anymore, you can feel everything that once was, being sucked out of you, leaving you lifeless and breathless"

Favourite Movies

green fried tomatoes

Favourite Bands / Musical Artists

neon trees

Other Interests

singing and photography

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MissyMurder3000

Sep 7, 2013

Devious Journal Entry

0 min read

Do you know how it feels to fucking hate yourself for things you can't control? I don't want to be a sad story anymore. But I can't stop and it's killing me and I wish I had worse done to me because maybe I would feel more entitled to my pain than I am. Sick, right? I'm not ready to deal with it,  I don't know how, and I am afraid. I feel very alone right now because I know I'm the only one in charge of how I'm feeling and processing things. I just don't know where to go now. I feel like I exploit all of my experiences when I talk about them. But how else do I work through things? I'm not as strong as everyone else and I'm sorry. I'm so sorr