to my heart, you are SO near.
Even through all the aweful things,
the new boyfriends and one night flings.
The drinking, the sniffing,
the huffing the blowing.
I still love you mommy.
I wiped away the tears when your bruises showed,
held your hand and wiped the snow from under your nose.
I never did cry while you were, never wanted to steal the show.
But I hugged you and my heart sobbed with.
Oh I still love you,
even through all that...
still love you even when you almost killed us.
A car can cause an aweful amount of damage.
You don't remember...the alcohol blurred away all of that.
How funny...when I think about it...
You thought we were dead.
I still love you mommy, even though you discount me.
I still love you,
but i wish you believed me.
He touched me you know.
The man who's known me since fifth grade.
The man you had me call "dad."
He was not my own. I did not want to call him that.
But because I loved you, I did.
He asked to have sex with me you know.
The same man who used to push you around.
The same man who never uttered a quiet sound.
The same man who yelled accusations.
Called me a whore.
I wish you believed me mommy.
I'm older now,
but the memory isn't far.
Mommy, why don't you believe me?
Would I lie so much about something like that?
Why am I the guilty one?
Why am I a whore?
well, I'll stop knocking on your door,
you don't need to answer to me anymore.
You can't even imagine the things i'm sick of.
The fear of returning.
I'm sixteen now...but soon, soon, I know
as I grow old, my fears do too.
Even though you don't believe me
I love you.